There was a time when I lived most of my life in a state gravitating from loss, hurt, pain, anger, rage and numbness. This stemmed from being gifted – for it seemed to be a blessing and a curse at the same time. I wanted to go Home many times. I stuffed my emotions down to stop the pain, the pain of not knowing why I was like this, why I seemed different. I ignored the calling of my soul, for there was no way of knowing which way to go and what to do next. Being a teenager and adult in a cruel world, for it felt cruel because I feel so much and things, bad things, always happened to me. There were happy times – I stuffed those down too – for I felt unworthy, that I didn’t deserve it, that there was something wrong with me – the world around me confirmed it and I refused to love me, I refused to see anything about me that was worth loving. I had lost faith in myself and faith in God – I really wasn’t sure.
Because of that I kept going like this for a long time, going from job to job, feeling and stuffing my emotions down, longing to belong, knowing I was called to do more, to be more. Where to now? Why am I here? Who am I? So many layers on top. I had put them in there in hopes that I would forget. My mother had taught me a lot about gifts, alternative therapies and many other things and when she died it was like the rug had been pulled out from under me – I felt shattered – the light started coming through – my faith was coming back for I could feel her energy from time to time.
Because of that I searched for answers and found many souls to guide me. Mentors came forward to guide me, to remind me to accept that I was being prepared along the way for my mission. There was still much I needed to uncover, much I needed to remind myself of. It seemed like a slow process to me, although when I look back it was quite quick and profound. Each and every person taught me about me. A lot changed. Sometimes I was unwilling to go there, to feel, understand and know who I am and why I am here. My mentors took me out on a limb, to places I thought I couldn’t go, all the while supporting me. Helping me to uncover, layer by layer, my soul’s gift, my soul’s purpose. Reminding me of balance.
Until finally, I thanked God for all that has happened, being able to see all that I am and uncover the layers, providing me with so many people and pets to teach me, love me and support me along the way. My life has changed so much. Many layers have been released. I see now that it was about my choices, why, how and what I chose in my life, even no choice was a choice. I choose my gifts, I choose my life, I choose to be all I am meant to be. I choose my mission. I choose my humanness. I choose love. I feel like I am more aware and accepting of my path, of who I am and why I am here and am grateful for God and the Angels who continue to guide me and are seen in the people, mentors/coach, clients and animals along the way. I now know happier times, I am living my soul’s purpose, for I love to guide and support others in any way I can and to teach them the way I needed it all along. My vision of the future is living in the now, with hope, faith, love and courage. My family and friends play a big part in my life and I love them dearly. I know now how to “be”, how to live life here on earth sharing my gifts to help me help others to be all they are meant to be – with Divine Inspiration.
I dedicate this to my mother, who was a loving, giving, kind, spiritual, amazing person who helped make me who I am today. Thanks Mom!